| Do you feel stuck? In a relationship, in a career | | | | self-doubt or decreased self-confidence or |
| position, in a business, in a location, in a way of life, in | | | | self-esteem.A person who is stuck in one area of |
| a life drama or in an emotional outlook?Millions of | | | | their life will often experience a spill-over effect into |
| people live with the daily frustration, fear, anxiety | | | | other areas of their life as well.Well how did you do? |
| and or discouragement of not knowing how to get | | | | Are you stuck in some way of life i.e.: a life drama, |
| themselves unstuck from any of the above issues or | | | | relationship, career, situation or some other less |
| others too numerous | | | | obvious way? My guess is that if most of us are |
| to mention.They believe there is no way out of their | | | | completely honest, we are all feeling stuck in some |
| current situation or set of circumstances. They see | | | | way even if in some very minor way.What does |
| few if any viable realistic or options or choices to | | | | feeling stuck mean? That's a simple one as I see it. |
| change whatever is their present way of life or life | | | | Feeling stuck is when a person feels out of control or |
| direction..I too have felt the agony of this paralyzing | | | | immobilized to change or modify their situation, given |
| victim-hood. I have known the desperation and have | | | | their current resources or parameters of the situation |
| felt the pain of not knowing what to do next to | | | | itself.What contributes to feelings of |
| change this endless spiral of going nowhere. I was | | | | stuckness?There are any number of contributors to |
| locked on a path towards more of the same. I have | | | | this negative emotional state of thinking or |
| been discouraged and filled with procrastination | | | | feeling.They can all be categorized into four major |
| avoiding doing something, anything to move on, | | | | areas. First, life outlook or life philosophy. Second, |
| leaving the old or negative relationship, situation, | | | | inner responses to early conditioned environment. |
| circumstance or sense of uncertainty behind | | | | Third, a lack of personal growth. Fourth, entrenched |
| me.Feeling stuck, or without hope for a better way | | | | attitudes and values about how you, the world and |
| of life or new more positive personal environment, is | | | | people in your life should feel, believe and act.Before |
| a malady that is no respecter of age, sex, race, | | | | we go on we need to make sure two things are |
| economic status or position.In my travels through life | | | | clear. First, feeling stuck is not about your outer |
| for over fifty years I have met thousands of people | | | | world or the people in it. It is about your inner world |
| in all walks of life who feel this sense of uneasiness | | | | and your expectations, attitudes, beliefs, judgments, |
| or desperation. Many have given up and settled for | | | | opinions and so on. Second, everything that comes |
| the their circumstances. They have lost their desire | | | | to us in life comes as a teacher. Even though we |
| to try and change whatever is contributing to their | | | | may find it hard to see a negative situation or person |
| current life drama.In this two part article (part two | | | | in our life as a teacher, the fact remains that life is a |
| will continue in the October issue of Life Balance) I | | | | classroom. And school is always in session.Think of life |
| will discuss the following topics; (By the way if you | | | | as a succession of moving forward through the |
| are a subscriber and can't wait for the October issue | | | | grades from kindergarten to college. Some people |
| and the continuation of this article, please give me a | | | | never get out of the first grade, they keep |
| call, I will be happy to mail you the conclusion)What | | | | repeating or allowing things, people or circumstances |
| does feeling stuck look like? | | | | to be repeated in their life. They constantly ask, |
| What does feeling stuck mean? | | | | "why is this happening to me again". Some people are |
| What contributes to feelings of stuckness? (don't | | | | able to make it to high school where the curriculum is |
| try to find stuckness in the dictionary) | | | | a little more challenging but they too are never able |
| Where are people stuck in life? | | | | to learn the lessons on the higher ground and |
| Why do people feel they are stuck? | | | | consequently never graduate to the advanced |
| What can be done to shed ourselves of this | | | | grades. To get to and through the college of life |
| destructive attitude or philosophy? | | | | requires patience, practice, skills, awareness, |
| How can we insure that we will never again become | | | | understanding and focused positive action.If you have |
| a victim of this malady?Tall order, but if you will bear | | | | been able to make it out of the college of life you |
| with me, when we are finished you will have a better | | | | have probably learned that the advanced lessons just |
| understanding of why you allow yourself the | | | | keep on coming. Because the school of life is one |
| continuation of the status quo and how to adjust | | | | you never graduate from, you just keep moving on |
| your thinking, actions and behavior to set yourself | | | | to more advanced training. Sorry, I don't make the |
| free either emotionally or physically.What does feeling | | | | rules.Now back to our story, what contributes to |
| stuck look like?How do you know if you are | | | | feelings of stuckness.Remember there are four |
| experiencing stuckness in life?There are several | | | | major contributors. In each of these, there are also |
| obvious and some more subtle symptoms. Let's start | | | | any number of personal examples. We are not going |
| with the obvious ones.If you are: | | | | to spend a great deal of time here but to trigger |
| One, feeling frustration or anxiety regarding a | | | | your thinking I would like to give you one example in |
| particular area of your life, Two sensing a need for | | | | each category.First, your life outlook or philosophy. |
| change, Three, feeling that there must be something | | | | Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Do you tend to |
| better out there in the world for you, Four, feeling | | | | see the glass as half full or half empty? Second, Your |
| increased stress, Five, spending a great deal of time | | | | early inner responses to your conditioning. Your |
| thinking or day dreaming about a different future, | | | | parents or caretakers, role models and society had a |
| Six, wishing that your life in some way was different, | | | | tremendous influence on your unconscious belief |
| Seven, disappointed a great deal in life by people, | | | | system while you were growing through the |
| events or circumstances, Eight, spending more time in | | | | formative years. These influences can take years to |
| the future and the past than in the present, Nine, | | | | surface or a dramatic event or events to bring them |
| feeling angry or upset about your present | | | | out in the open or to the surface of your |
| circumstances or situation, Ten, not sure about what | | | | consciousness where they influence your daily |
| to do to change your current life drama, and Eleven, | | | | decisions, behavior and actions. Think of a recent |
| finding an increasing amount of variance between | | | | reaction to a person, event or situation that you had |
| your expectations and your reality, then you may be | | | | where you just reacted automatically without |
| a experiencing what I call, are you ready for this, | | | | adequate contemplation or reflection. It takes skills to |
| The Stuck Syndrome. I don't mean to make light of | | | | pause between the stimuli and our subsequent |
| this life outlook. However, when we lose our sense | | | | reactions in life. Three, your lack of general personal |
| of humor about the game of life we are doomed to | | | | growth leaves you without the skills or techniques to |
| live in a prison of our own making.Now let's look at | | | | deal effectively with the stuff that life continually |
| the more subtle symptoms. They can be but are not | | | | puts in our path. And Four, your entrenched belief or |
| limited to the following:If you are, | | | | value systems about people, life, career, ethics, |
| One, spending more and more time in an | | | | expectations, problems, success, and so on and on |
| unconscious state (what I refer to as auto-pilot) | | | | and on.Why not spend some time considering where |
| Two, | | | | in life you might be stuck so that when the second |
| becoming increasingly critical of yourself or the | | | | installment of this article comes out you will have |
| people in your life, Three, are putting more emotional | | | | done the work necessary to put some of the new |
| distance between yourself and your reality, Four, | | | | awareness and understanding and ideas to positive |
| burying yourself in some aspect of life, like work, | | | | use.Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned |
| friends, special interests or talents, family, shopping, | | | | sales, relationship, management and leadership |
| substance abuse such as food, drugs and alcohol etc., | | | | speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he |
| Five, feeling a sense of purposelessness or lack of | | | | has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on |
| focus and meaning in your life, Six, feeling empty or | | | | a variety of sales, management and relationship |
| used up, and Seven, experiencing increased | | | | topics. |